Once you have met with your divorce attorney and prepared a proposed agreement addressing all issues concerning your children's future, you might think you are ready to attend the mediation conference. Not! There are other things you must do in preparation to undergo a child custody mediation process.
The child custody mediation process leaves on the parent's hands the freedom to reach an agreement on all their children's critical decisions, such as: who are the kids going to live with and where, what school they are going to attend, who is going to provide for their financial support and how much and how is time to be allotted for each parent to spend with the kids. Child custody and visitation issues can make any meeting stressful enough, that is why there is no need to add any more stress to this divorce mediation process. All the contrary, humor and casual talk can bring a lot of balance to any stressful situation like this one. A divorce or child custody mediation does not necessarily have to make you lose your mind, but it can. That is why you need following hints to make a mediation conference less stressful.
Come prepared. Preparation, knowing your alternatives and the possible legal consequences of each one, gives you the balance that you need to make sound decisions.
Come with an open mind and heart, and also with open ears. Not everything is going to be decided in your favor. You might have to compromise with some of the less important decisions in order to get favored in those that matter to you the most.
Set some time for relaxation ahead of the scheduled mediation conference. Get enough quality rest the night before; even when that might require the use of an over-the- counter medication. Don't schedule any other commitment the day of the mediation, if possible. You never know how long the conference might be. Leave behind all your resentments and hard feelings you might have towards your ex-spouse before going inside the conference room. Dress comfortably, but professionally.
In a child custody mediation conference you don't have to be sweet to your ex-spouse, but you must be cordial. You must greet him or her with some formality. A hand shake is the best salutation you could go for, even when you feel like throwing a fist at him or her. Child custody mediation has the purpose of serving your children's best interest, not yours. It is in these meetings that you and your spouse are going to decide who is going to have the responsibility of making decisions related to your children's future.
Don't get upset with your attorney if you see him or her smiling or acting friendly to your ex-spouse's attorney as they greet. Keep in mind that most attorneys in a town know each other and they have to be able to work together in future cases. If your attorney is making jokes to the opposing attorney that does not mean that your attorney is betraying you or taking sides against you. It only means that he or she is a professional and is trying to break the ice in an effort to establish a good connection with his or her adversary before starting a process that can generally be very stressful.
At the conference table, each parent should sit next to his or her attorney on opposite sides. The mediator will take the head seat. The conference will start with an introduction conducted by the mediator. The mediator, an expert in family law, will introduce himself and set forth the purpose and the guidelines of the meeting. He or she will then ask everyone to introduce themselves by name and in the case of the attorneys by identifying which party they represent.
The mediation will then introduce the agenda submitted by the parties, with the help of their respective attorneys. The agenda must establish the order in which the issues at stake are going to be addressed. Once the first topic is introduced the mediator will ask each attorney to provide their client's point of view on the issue and the reasons for it. After both attorneys have provided the mediator with a summary of where each parent stands on the topic, the mediator will ask if there is a possibility of reaching an amicable solution. If the attorneys believe there is an easy way to solve the issue they will proceed and present their proposed solution to the mediator. The mediator will then offer his or her comments on the proposed solution, always making sure that it is within the applicable law and in the child's best interest. If the proposed solution is agreeable to the mediator, the issue is put aside and the conference will move on to the next topic to be discussed. If, on the contrary, the parties can't reach an agreement among themselves, the mediator will then split the conference and move the parties into two separate rooms, each spouse with their attorney. This is when the mediator should make good use of his or her biggest asset: negotiation skills.
The mediator will visit each room back and forth until an agreement is reached. At first, the mediator will introduce alternatives to both parties and give them some neutral and practical advice. Each time the mediator visits a room, the issue should be narrowed. The mediator's visit to each room does not have a time limit. He or she may stay in one room talking with that party as much as it takes to bring down the issue to a point closer to resolution. This practice can go for two, four or six hours, depending on the agenda or the parties' disposition to compromise in order to reach an agreement that best fulfills their children's present and future needs.
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